Appa told me many decades ago that if one person doesn’t pull their weight in any crucial relationship …then that relationship is bound to fail or become dysfunctional.
He urged Kumar and me to pull weight together in everything including parenting.
day after day,
week after week,
month after month,
year after year,
we have been pulling together.
Some days I am just so freakin tired of it all.
That is why I need upbeat music on my headphones.
That is the only thing that can keep me going.
“Choice Theory explains that, for all practical purposes, we choose everything we do.” ― William Glasser
Sheena S. Iyengar is one of the world’s experts on choice. Her research focuses on: why people want choice, what affects how and what we choose, and how we can improve our decision-making outcomes.
Check out TED videos by Sheena S. Iyengar on The art of choosing, How to make choosing easier
The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory from William Glasser
1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
7. All we do is behave.
8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology
9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.
The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go. – Dr. Seuss
Sometimes, you wait for a moment to arrive.
You work so hard for it.
You move heaven and earth.
You rock even hell.
You try everything possible.
And, then, finally, the moment arrives.
But, alas, it is completely meaningless.
Because, the one, the one that has to be there with you for the moment to be fulfilled is a 1000 miles away.
Hence, you let the moment slide.
Because, it has become completely meaningless.
So, you stand in the beautiful sunny day enjoying the warm rays.
Then, you take a long nap in the afternoon and just let the day pass you by.
Because, after all, it is just another day.
Amma was just the nagger.
Appa was always the one.
He didn’t expect me to do anything he didn’t do himself.
I vividly remember this one science test (on the topic of bonding and cement) where I had to get up early in the morning to study. Amma was sleeping to glory.
In the wee hours of the morning, Appa woke up, then woke me up, made coffee for me and sat down on the sofa.
I poured over the books. Appa’s head started bobbing and he was nodding off to sleep.
I begged him. “Appa, please, you need some rest. Why don’t you lie down on the bed or alteast the sofa.”
He wouldn’t lie down. He just sat there, bobbing his head to show his unwavering support for me.
It is not like I made a conscious decision saying “I am going to be there for the kids. I am not going to expect them to do anything that I couldn’t or wouldn’t do myself.”
I think Appa imbibed it in me without him or me consciously realizing it.
I am quite surprised when parents expect for the kids to do things they have never done or wouldn’t dare to do for themselves. Don’t be one of those.
Show them the ropes…literally and figuratively.
And, speaking of bonding and cement, Appa showed and made me mix cement, sand and water in the right quantity to use for construction.
There is a saying in Tamil that my buddy Charles reminded me of a few years ago.
It goes like this – “Thambi odiyan padika anjan.”
It means – “If you have a brother, then you don’t need to fear even war.”
I often remind the boys of this saying.
Today, Adi feel asleep as I was driving him back from school.
As I parked at home, he was still out of it and was slowly raising from his nap.
So, Ari proceeded to pick up Adi’s very heavy backpack along with his own backpack and lunch bag.
I don’t know what the boys will do if and when they face war.
But, I think that it is good enough if they know to help each other out with the lil things in life.