On Marveling at a Moment

As I grow up, I begin to marvel at lil things.
Because, I realize the lil things in life are actually the big things in life.

4 people getting out in the morning…coming back home after a long day…having chai together….seems simple enough.
Does it not?

Probabilistically and realistically, the occurence of that happening is so rare.

Hence, I show gratitude for that simple vanilla moment of togetherness with chai and the boys.
And, I try not go get too attached to that moment.
Because, I know by now, this moment will pass me by too.

On the Unkindest Cut of All

During my middle school years, my English teacher taught us Shakespeare’s works. She said I was one of the best students she ever had and she had never heard any student recite “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears” with as much passion and pain as I did.
Even at that young age, through the passion of my English teacher, I understood and appreciated the complexities of life, choices, ambition, friendship, war, greed…..and most of all, the painful feel of being betrayed.

For many weeks during those middle school year, “Et tu, Brute? (Latin phrase meaning “and you, Brutus?) rang in my ears. Caesar uttered these words as he is being stabbed to death, having recognized his friend Brutus among the assassins.

Over the years, I have realized that the power to hurt you isn’t in the hands of acquaintances or strangers. They can’t do anything to you. They really can’t.

Those that you will give up your life for,
Those that you try the hardest for,
Those that are the closest to you,
Those that you trust,
Those are the ones that can unleash terror in your life and stick that dagger deep into your chest…..or worser still, in your back.

Only those that we love have the power to give us the Unkindest Cut of All.

So, beware.

Be careful who you allow into your heart and life.
Be very careful.

Let us assume, despite your utmost caution, somebody that you trusted stuck that dagger deep into your chest…..don’t worry.

Don’t suffer alone.
Call me.
I’ll share with you the pain I have endured.
You can share with me the pain you have endured.

We can cry together, joke about life and move on.

The sun will set and rise again.
The tides will flow in and out again.
Everything will be alright.
All is well. All will be well.

On Playfulness and (Not) Counting Pennies

Do you play?
No…seriously.
Do you play around and be kiddish?Do you get on the swing in the park?
Do you chase somebody around the house?
Do you make funny noises with kids?Well….while you are thinking about those questions…here is yesterday’s story.

We were in the ortho office yesterday evening. I took Ari in at 4pm for his appointment. Kumar and Adi showed up promptly at 4.30 for Adi’s appointment. The orthodontist was running late.

Kumar said he was thirsty.
I handed him a water bottle that I had picked up in the refrigerator in the front desk.
He took one sip out of it.
Adi started cracking some jokes.
Kumar spit-taked and turned around and started splashing the water from the bottle on Adi.
They started laughing their head off like only 2 crazies can do.

I started yelling – “STOP you idiots. This is not home. The Dr is going to walk in any minute now.”
They turned around and looked at me seriously.
They shook their head like I usually do when I am saying in my head “Hopeless. These crazies.”
They looked at each other and said “Ok…let us stop. This is not good. We are not home.”
Then, still with their serious look on, they turned towards me and proceeded to start splashing me with water.
I got up and waved my hands around in a deadly way.
That is when the orthodontist walked in.
And, you guessed it right.
He joined the boys and started laughing his head off too.

I swear…if I had a penny for every time these 2 rascals threw things at each other..

If I had a penny for every time my boys made me happy with their silly jokes, playful antics, big hugs, unsolvable riddles, non step pestering (remember, we are mere mortal…we all feel good about being “needed”) ..oh, I swear, I could be a very rich gal.

Well, on second thought, who cares about being a very rich gal anyways.

I would much rather count their jokes, antics, hugs, riddles…rather than count pennies. I could take all their pestering and some more…and pester them back non-stop.

Coming back to my questions – Do you play and be kiddish? Do you?

Give yourself permission to be a kid.
It is ok.
Go ahead.
Do it.
Even when there is a stern figure waving their hands at you in a deadly way.

Life is too short to listen to stern figures.

 

On Semblance of (In)-Sanity

One has been down with the flu the last 7 days.
One has been arguing with me like I have never been argued with.
One has been goofing away and completely ignoring every statement I make.

There is nothing as madenning as living with 3 boys. They drive me completely nuts.

It is a complete mystery to me how I can still retain a semblance of (in)-sanity and can laugh through it all.

BTW, the boys will convince y’all that I am the one that drives them nuts. Don’t believe them.

That is all I have to say for today.

On Feeling Sadness and Finding Healing

The boys were out of the house for a couple of hours yesterday morning. I should have just napped and caught up on much needed rest. Instead,as always, foolishly, I tried to get through my never ending list of todos.

I filled the house with music. No upbeat peppy songs. Somehow, something lead me to play some sitar and flute music. As the music streamed through my laptop, I went about chores and todo list.

We all store up pain and sadness in our hearts…we lock them away carefully. And, it is quite amazing how the right music evokes all that sadness back. Today’s sitar and flute music, possibly touched the innermost sadness and pain in my heart.
I went through a range of emotions.

Have you noticed how the early morning is shrouded in darkness? Then the sunlight starts clearing up that darkness.
In the beginning it is just a streak of light and a lot of darkness.
Then that streak grows, just a little at a time, until the day dawns…and, it is as if the darkness never even existed in the first place.

That is what the sitar and flute music did to me today. They flew into my heart, just a little at a time, until the sadness was all lifted…..and, it is as if, the pain never even existed in the first place.

Have you experienced this feeling?

I realized that despite every pain that I have endured, I have to feel grateful for my life.

I am always in awe of the musicians that have the power to make music that reaches the innermost corners of our heart.

Here is to all the pain and sadness that you and I endure.
And, here is to all the healing that has happened and will happen.

Read this aloud to yourself…slowly and as if you really mean it.
“In our darkness, there is no darkness
With you Oh Lord, the deepest night is clear as the day.”

May peace prevail in the innermost corners of your heart and mine.

Om Shanti.