As I grow up, I begin to marvel at lil things.
Because, I realize the lil things in life are actually the big things in life.
4 people getting out in the morning…coming back home after a long day…having chai together….seems simple enough.
Does it not?
Probabilistically and realistically, the occurence of that happening is so rare.
Hence, I show gratitude for that simple vanilla moment of togetherness with chai and the boys.
And, I try not go get too attached to that moment.
Because, I know by now, this moment will pass me by too.
During my middle school years, my English teacher taught us Shakespeare’s works. She said I was one of the best students she ever had and she had never heard any student recite “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears” with as much passion and pain as I did.
Even at that young age, through the passion of my English teacher, I understood and appreciated the complexities of life, choices, ambition, friendship, war, greed…..and most of all, the painful feel of being betrayed.
For many weeks during those middle school year, “Et tu, Brute? (Latin phrase meaning “and you, Brutus?) rang in my ears. Caesar uttered these words as he is being stabbed to death, having recognized his friend Brutus among the assassins.
Over the years, I have realized that the power to hurt you isn’t in the hands of acquaintances or strangers. They can’t do anything to you. They really can’t.
Those that you will give up your life for,
Those that you try the hardest for,
Those that are the closest to you,
Those that you trust,
Those are the ones that can unleash terror in your life and stick that dagger deep into your chest…..or worser still, in your back.
Only those that we love have the power to give us the Unkindest Cut of All.
Be careful who you allow into your heart and life.
Be very careful.
Let us assume, despite your utmost caution, somebody that you trusted stuck that dagger deep into your chest…..don’t worry.
Don’t suffer alone.
I’ll share with you the pain I have endured.
You can share with me the pain you have endured.
We can cry together, joke about life and move on.
The sun will set and rise again.
The tides will flow in and out again.
Everything will be alright.
All is well. All will be well.
I feel dead beat today…and, my March Madness is only getting started.
Between, work,kids, travel..and the zillion things (both work and kids stuff) to get done before I travel, during travel and after travel..truly, there is too much to get done.
Despite, everything the boys do to work in unison and move mountains….and despite, all my planning and working ahead…my body is dead beat.
But, only my body is dead beat.
My mind and heart feel like a lion….they always have.
I wonder why our body can’t keep pace with our mind and heart.
I wonder why our body, mind, heart feel differently at different times.
If only….if only, we can unify the experience of what we experience, think and feel.
I wonder how that state would be.
n Tamil there is a phrase that goes like this “Thai madi soorgam”. What it means is this – “resting on your mom’s lap is heaven”. Do you have fond memories of you resting on your mom’s lap or shoulders? It truly is a heavenly feeling…. is it not?
Unfortunately, like everything else in life, those moments doesn’t last forever.
When Ari is out and about, it is as if, a powerful hurricane hit you. He is so fast and so furious. He will be dancing, running, jumping and creating such a ruckus. And, then, when he lies down to rest at the end of the day….it is the most peaceful scene ever.
Last few weeks have been crazy with work and travel.. And, Hurricane Ari possibly missed being held close to mom at the end of every day.
So, I was very glad to wind down on Friday evening in the same room with Hurricane Ari. He rested on my lap and found comfort. As he rested and started his mild snoring, I tried not to move. I just sat there for an hour or so, patting him gently and continued my reading. Finally, when Kumar Nagarajan helped pick Hurricane Ari up, I limped over with my cramped legs and crashed on the bed to get some much needed rest.
Do you play around and be kiddish?Do you get on the swing in the park?
Do you chase somebody around the house?
Do you make funny noises with kids?Well….while you are thinking about those questions…here is yesterday’s story.
We were in the ortho office yesterday evening. I took Ari in at 4pm for his appointment. Kumar and Adi showed up promptly at 4.30 for Adi’s appointment. The orthodontist was running late.
Kumar said he was thirsty.
I handed him a water bottle that I had picked up in the refrigerator in the front desk.
He took one sip out of it.
Adi started cracking some jokes.
Kumar spit-taked and turned around and started splashing the water from the bottle on Adi.
They started laughing their head off like only 2 crazies can do.
I started yelling – “STOP you idiots. This is not home. The Dr is going to walk in any minute now.”
They turned around and looked at me seriously.
They shook their head like I usually do when I am saying in my head “Hopeless. These crazies.”
They looked at each other and said “Ok…let us stop. This is not good. We are not home.”
Then, still with their serious look on, they turned towards me and proceeded to start splashing me with water.
I got up and waved my hands around in a deadly way.
That is when the orthodontist walked in.
And, you guessed it right.
He joined the boys and started laughing his head off too.
I swear…if I had a penny for every time these 2 rascals threw things at each other..
If I had a penny for every time my boys made me happy with their silly jokes, playful antics, big hugs, unsolvable riddles, non step pestering (remember, we are mere mortal…we all feel good about being “needed”) ..oh, I swear, I could be a very rich gal.
Well, on second thought, who cares about being a very rich gal anyways.
I would much rather count their jokes, antics, hugs, riddles…rather than count pennies. I could take all their pestering and some more…and pester them back non-stop.
Coming back to my questions – Do you play and be kiddish? Do you?
Give yourself permission to be a kid.
It is ok.
Even when there is a stern figure waving their hands at you in a deadly way.
Life is too short to listen to stern figures.